


13 Reasons Why: Flash edition

by 0re0_C00k135



Category: The Flash (TV 2014)
Genre: Drug Use, Rape/Non-con Elements, Suicide
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2017-05-10
Updated: 2017-09-26
Packaged: 2018-10-30 10:58:30
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Major Character Death, Rape/Non-Con
Chapters: 8
Words: 10,921
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/10875360
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/0re0_C00k135/pseuds/0re0_C00k135
Summary: After Barry's suicide, 13 tapes show up mysteriously on Iris's doorstep. You can't stop the future. You can't rewind the past. All you can do is press play.





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> Idk why I'm doing this.

Iris pushed her apartment door closed with tired arms, leaning against the plank of wood in despair. She sighed to herself and closed her eyes.

She could still smell him around the house. See him. Hear him. Sense him. It was like what they always joked he was.

"The West's white shadow."

It was only teasing as a kid, but now, now it couldn't be more true.

It had been a fortnight. Fourteen days since her Barry Allen killed himself in this ver apartment. She had willed herself to return here after it happened, she refused to let the last thing she had of Barry rot away.

No one was the same. Most of the team was haunted, empty, broken. It was like Barry was the glue which held them all together. Like he brought this light with him. But now, it was gone.

What was here though, was new. On the table, was an old looking box. It was strange. She didn't have any deliveries. She dropped her keys on the counter and slowly approaced the box, afriad of what she might find. Opening it slowly, she sighed in relief and confusion as she found... tapes?

13\. To be exact. There was also a set of headphones and a strange looking rectangle that was probably used to play the old fashioned plastic hardware. But, who would've left tapes for her at a time like this?

Usually it would be flowers or 'we're sorry for your loss' cards. Maybe even a box of chocolates to go with them. But, tapes? It seemed so different. So dorky. So...

...Barry.

But that couldn't be. He died. Her love of her life killed himself two weeks ago. The sweet kid had left everything he ever cared behind to pick up the pieces. He was gone.

Wasn't he?

She slowly sat down in a chair next to table, shakily fumbling with the first tape and the headphones. What was this? Who would leave this? 

After about 5 minutes of fiddling with the tape, she managed to settle down and prepare to listen.

She pressed play.

"Hey, it's me. Barry. Barry Allen. Live and in stereo."

Her heart stopped and her breath hitched.

"That's right. Don't adjust your whatever you're hearing this on. It's me."

She wouldn't dare. It was him.

"And I hope you're ready. Because I'm about to tell you the story of my life. More specifically, why I'm not living it. Yeah, that's right. In case you didn't already know, I'm dead. And I'm about to tell you why."

It hurt her inside on how calm and collected he sounded.

"Now, if you're listening, that means you are one of the reasons I'm dead. There are 13 reasons why I'm not here, and you're one of them. If you're listening, I guarantee you're name will pop up. I promise."

Iris gasped to herself. She felt sick. How did she kill Barry? How did she fail him?

"Now, there are two rules. Number one, you listen. To them all. Number two, you pass it on. When you hear your tape, and don't worry I won't tell you which tape is yours, pass it on to the name after yours, unless that person's dead, then skip to the next one. AFTER you have finished listening, of course. Number 13, you get to keep the tapes. It's up to you what you want to do with them, destroy them, keep them, whatever. Don't break the rules. You broke me, so you owe me this. You all do."

Her heart thudded in her chest. She had no idea what Barry was talking about. She had no idea what any of this was about. But if Barry wanted her to listen. Then she would. 

"I remember hearing someone say something once. And ironically, it applies. You ready? You can't stop the future, you can't rewind the past, all you can do if press play. Ironic, right? So go on. Press play."

She did as she was told, her anxiety only climbing with each moment passing.

"Without further ado, let's continue. You ready, Caitlin? Congratulations. You're first on the list..."

And Iris couldn't press pause.


	2. Tape 1, Side A

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Iris listens to Caitlin's tape.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I had a plan, I swear. Just lost track of the plot here. I didn't really know how to blame Caitlin, so I exaggerated some points. Sorry! Hope you enjoy.
> 
> Also I didn't have time to check through it so please ignore any mistakes.
> 
> Kudos and comments are appreciated!

Iris couldn't handle this. Barry was blaming them for him killing himself. Blaming her! She felt sick. With him, with herself, she wasn't sure. What did she do to him that made him want to die?

He'd been through so much since before his mum died. She would be lying to herself if she said she was surprised he did that to himself. She would have probably done the same, just so much earlier.

She could guess what Barry was going to say on the tapes. What Caitlin had done. What anyone had done. She just couldn't figure out why she would be on them.

She didn't want to figure out why she was on them. She wouldn't be able to handle the thought that she had killed Barry.

She didn't know if she could do this.

"You're probably shocked. Suprised that you're on these tapes Caitlin. But I was shocked too, when you did what you did. How could you do that? Why would you do that?"

Do what? 

"Maybe you didn't think of the consequences. Maybe you didn't realise. Maybe you weren't in control. Or maybe you just wanted to hurt me. Well congratulations again Cait, you did."

Iris tensed. What did Caitlin do?

"I understand it wasn't fully you. I get that. But we never spoke about it. I waited for you to bring it up Caitlin but you just ignored it, and in doing so, you ignored me!"

Iris flinched at the way his voice broke at the end of the sentence. He could barely get past the first tape. How did he go through all 13?

"For most of you, you might be confused about what I'm talking about. In reality, I'm talking about a few different scenarios that took place. Let me lay them out for you. Let me tell you, Caitlin, why you're on these tapes."

She held her breath.

"In the begginning, you, and everyone else, locked me in that pipeline. Remember that? You might not, because to you it was just another monster you were locking away for safe keeping. But to me? It was my entire family walking away from me. Abandoning me."

Guilt settled in her own stomach. A sickening feeling as she was reminded about what they did to him. They didn't mean it like that. But why did he blame Caitlin?

"You know Cait, you're most definately defending your actions right now with something along the lines of, 'but it wasn't just me' when actually your betrayal is what stung most. Suprising, right? I was suprised too. But in a bad way. Let me tell you why."

A pang of jealousy and confusion hit Iris. Surely her or Joe making the decision would've hurt more? She hated the very idea, but she felt the need to defend Caitlin somehow. Why is he blaming her for something that all of them did? Why her specifically?

"You told me you knew how I felt. You told me you were there for me. I just watched my father murdered in front of me, in the exact same place as my mother was murdered in front of me, and you have the audacity to tell me that 'you get it'?! I don't think you do. You never did. And I hope you never will. Actually, scratch that. There's a little part of me which does. But that's normal. Human."

It was. Iris could agree with that. But considering the amount of loss Caitlin has suffered, Iris always thought that Caitlin would be the one person who understood Barry's grief the most.

"You didn't watch Ronnie as he died. You didn't witness your enemy kill your loved one because of your very existence. You didn't hear them mumble their last words as they took their final breath, watching the light die in their eyes. You get it, huh?"

He scoffed, and Iris could almost see the shake of his head and small annoyed smile tugging at his lips.

"No, I know you don't. But good old Caitlin had to try ro guilt trip me into forgetting about me grief. You made the situation sbout you. About your grief. What about mine? What about me?"

Iris' face scrunched up in confusion. But her sinking stomach told her that Barry was right.

"I deteriorated, keeping to myself because I couldn't trust you. I still can't. I couldn't talk to you, to any of you, about any of this. But moving on from that repeated 'i can never trust you', there's another reason you're on these tapes."

Iris frowned for the umpteenth time that day, what else had Caitlin done?

"It might confuse you at the start, but you're going to listen to me. You're going to, for once, understand me. You never did when I was alive, but now you're going to take the time. Cue drumroll... Killer Frost."

What?! 

"Now now, stop being so shocked. You knew it was coming. It was basically the big elephant in the room whenever I came to STAR labs and you were there. Now before I start, I know that Killer Frost was more my fault than yours, but let me let you in on the story Caitlin. Let's see if you really do understand where I'm coming from."

Confusion was the first thing Iris felt, then it was shock, frustration, then sadness. Why was Barry doing this? Why was he so difficult? Why did he have to do this to himself? To them? To her?

"See Caitlin, you knew that you couldn't be trusted. You knew what was happening to yourself. I get you didn't want to accept it, I get that. But why let me try and trust you again? Why would let me think that at least one person I care about has my back -to an extent? You allowed me to open up to you, about Dante, Cisco, just Flashpoint in general while you knew you might go AWOL. Why would you let me trust you to go and just stab me in the back?"

Everyone knew that Killer Frost wasn't Caitlin's fault. But what Barry was saying is true. Iris knew that much. Caitlin knew the whole time what was happening and still didn't mention it.

"The funny thing about being evil and hurting those you care about, is that you rarely lie. When you were saying how I was responsible for Ronnie, Eddie, my parents... I told you that you were sick... you weren't. You really really weren't, because they were my fault. Karma's a bitch. I hurt you, so you ruin me. My fault, I guess, right? That's something I can hear you say." 

Tears welled up in Iris' eyes. She didn't want to believe that Barry thought so badly about himself. About his friends. They hav- had his back. They always did, were they that bad at showing it?

"You didn't destroy much, just me. And my friendship with Cisco. Cisco ruined so much more. But to be honest, you started it. Childish, I know. But that's why you're on these tapes Cait, because I couldn't trust you anymore. And I thought about too much, until I realised that I couldn't really trust anyone. So, in summary, you broke my trust... thanks."

He was right. Iris knew that. So far he seemed right about everything he said. That meant he was probably right about everyone, about her. She had to talk to Caitlin. She had to find out if she had seen the tapes too.

"Let's, ironically, rewind to what I said earlier about Cisco. How you, Cisco, ruined so much more than Caitlin did. Want to find out why? Either way, you are, because you owe me this. Cisco, you're next on the list."

Iris had to stop, she had to talk to Caitlin before she found out anymore about why Barry- why he did what he did.

"Turn over this tape to listen to the reason why Cisco caused my suicide."

Iris pressed pause. She gathered her things, and packed the tapes in her bag before heading out to find Caitlin. She smiled a little at the irony. 

She had pressed pause.


	3. Chapter 3

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Iris confronts Caitlin for answers, only to get some she didn't ask for.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry this update was shit. I haven't had much time to work on this fully. Hope you enjoy it anyway!

Empty. That was the only way to describe it. STAR labs felt empty to Iris. As she walked slowly through the abandoned corridoor, her own shadow and the silence greeted her coldly, painfully reminding her of what she lost. What they all lost.

It wasn't just Barry who had died. It was also that very close bond everyone had tied with everyone else. They all used to talk everyday, share banterous coversations and stick together as a team when the time came. 

Her and Caitlin were the closest out of the STAR labs team. Everyone else may not have known it, but she did. 

They came to each other when they saw a cute guy (when they were both single obviously) and always shared a coffee break at jitters to try and catch said guys again. They always encouraged each other to be happy, and helped each other back up when they weren't. 

She lost that the same day she lost Barry. It was like Barry was the glue that held everyone together.

And now it had all be torn apart.

She shrugged off the uneasy feeling as she strutted through the corridoors, her heels clicking loudly, announcing her entrance.

In the cortex, sat Caitlin and HR, both silently working. HR was in the lab area, seemingly pouring different colour liquids together in different vials. On one of the computers sat Caitlin, her head almost touching the screen as she clicked and typed through different windows on the computer. Neither seemed to notice her enterance.

She was glad that for the moment they didn't. Her eyes scanned the room, and they glistened with fresh tears when she saw what no one had had the heart to put away.

The dark red suit near the TV. She almost forgot what it looked like, but she recognised every detail. It was like her mind had clogged up every memory of Barry in order to stay sane. 

She remembered how tight the mask had been around Barry's hair, and how whenever he took it off his hair would be flat but in all directions.

She remembered the boots, and the way they lacked the stealthy silence Barry needed in many situations.

She remembered the 3 lightning symbols on the suit, two earpieces and the one major symbol which stood out from the red.

Something was new though, something Iris couldn't bare to look at.

Two thin, long slashes along the arm sleeves, from the wrists up.

She hadn't... found Barry. But she saw the body, still dressed in the suit after they had called her. The long gashes showed that what had happened was real.

That this time, Barry wasn't okay.

It appears he never was.

Iris tore her eyes away before she could break down. They still hadn't noticed her prescence.

'Barry Barry Barry Barry' her mind reeled.

She shook her head before making her prescence known, "Guys?"

Both of them stopped and turned around, Caitlin held a look of confusion, worry, pity, grief, shock, and happiness.

Who knew a girl could glare so much emotion?

HR saw her and his entire face lit up before coming out of the lab and giving her a hug.

"Miss West! Long time no see!" He smiled carefully. It was like he was treadding on thin ice.

Iris smiled slightly back, before turning to Caitlin. She wasn't sure if HR knew about the tapes, so she started with a more casual conversation starter.

"Where's Cisco?" She said lightly, giving Caitlin a glare which told her she needed to talk in private.

"Oh, he's at home. I gave him the day off, he wasn't... 100% today." Caitlin replied, "Iris, do you want to go on a coffee run with me? I'll pay."

Iris nodded and said goodbye HR, promising to bring him back a coffee as well. Once they were out of earshot, Iris turned to Caitlin, getting straight to the point.

"Was he lying?"

Caitlin visably paled, her eyes grew cold yet sad. Iris nearly panicked as visions of Killer Frost entered her mind. But she swallowed her shock as Caitlin's face softened, and her eyes returned to normal.

"I don't know what you're talking about."

"You know exactly what I'm talking about Caitlin! You was the first!" Iris bursted.

Caitlin looked away, purposely avoiding eye contact. "Not necerrsarily. The first one to be on them. But not the first to hear them."

"What?" Iris frowned, "You were the first one, you had to pass it to the second. It had to be you who heard it first."

"Seeing as you don't know, I take it you've only heard my tape?" Caitlin looked at her questionably, shifting her balance from one foot to the other.

Iris couldn't find words, confused as to how Caitlin knew. Caitlin laughed at her expression and shook her head, eyes cast down to the floor. "You were always so predictable when it came to Barry."

She looked back up to stare at Iris, only finding confusion, grief, and loss in the newly widow's eyes. She smiled sympathetically, "Unfortunately, Iris. You were not the person Barry trusted most, no matter how much you try to believe it."

"But I'm... was his-"

"Wife? Fiancè? Girlfriend? It didn't matter, he didn't trust you."

Iris suddenly found it hard to breathe, the pieces of the jigsaw slowly coming together into her mind, "The tape will tell me why, won't it?"

Caitlin nodded silently, "Before you ask what tape you're on, Iris, maybe you should just sit down and listen. Rules are rules. I can't tell you where you stand in his list of priorites."

Iris looked pleadingly, "I have so many questions, Caitlin. Please help me."

"I can't. I'm sorry. But I know someone who can." Caitlin said.

"Who?" Iris was ready, even if it were Zoom, she'd go. She needed to understand.

"Before he... Barry made two copies of the tapes. One for the first person, and one for the person he trusted the most. The person he trusted was enrolled with the job of making sure this entire thing doesn't fall apart... keep the flow going." Caitlin explained.

"Who is it?" Iris threw her hands in the air.

Silence littered the atmosphere around them for a moment before Caitlin whispered quietly, 

"Oliver Queen."

And Iris's whole world seemed to pause.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Kudos and Comments are much appreciated!!


	4. Coffee with the Vigilante

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Iris has coffee with a certain vigilante, and realises something about her upturned future.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry! Have so many exams to revise for so I haven't had time to write this. Sorry it's short and crap, but I've just had no time whatsoever! Anyway, this chapter contains a little weenie bit of anxious thinking so watch out for that if it bothers you. But you probably shouldn't read fanfiction about Suicide, Rape, Depression, Anxiety, Murder, and Self-Harm if it does. And anyway, hope you enjoy it!

Iris: We need to talk. *Sent at 9:37AM*  
Oliver: About? *Received at 9:37AM*  
Iris: Him. The Tapes. You know what. *Sent at 9:38AM*  
Oliver: Where are you? *Received at 9:38AM*  
Iris: Heading towards Jitters. *Sent at 9:38AM*  
Oliver: I'll be there in 5. *Received at 9:39AM*  
Iris put her phone away as she entered to coffee shop. The cold biting wind fading into nothing as the warm building caused her fingers to tingle. She joined the cue of other mind numbingly cold people in hopes of getting a decent, hot coffee. Not only to warm her up, but to keep her mind buzzing, she needed to think. Hard. But her shock overpowered any logical region of her brain.

As the minutes ticked by, Iris reflected. She realised just how much her life has turned to shit. Her fiancé killed himself, her friends are all distraught, her family is torn apart, and suddenly there are these dark deep secrets, coming to light from under the surface. One question kept soaring through her mind...

What's on her own tape?

Maybe it was because she took the ring off the first time he proposed? Maybe it's because she was meant to die in the future? Maybe it's because of that one time in 9th grade where she was so mad at him (for something she can barely remember now) that she spread a rumour about him liking both boys and girls.

What a cheesy rumour. So cliché. 

Yet she'd never forget the amount of torment Barry had got for it. The bulling, the death threats, the self destructive behaviour. And when Joe had found out, and tried to force him to tell him who started it, he still wouldn't tell the detective it was her, which only caused another argument between the father and son.

Up to this day, Joe still doesn't know what his daughter did to his son, he still doesn't realise how much guilt she holds because she had ruined Barry's chance at decent teenage hood in High School. He most likely never will.

Unless they're on the tapes, and Joe is too.

"Ma'am?" The Barista barked. Iris jerked out of her thoughts and snapped up to look at the man. He had a light brown stubbly beard, with brownish red hair and brown eyes. He seemed around 27 years old. 

She ordered Two Flash Espresso's (choking slightly at the reminder) before checking her phone again.

About 5 minutes later, another barista (20 year old young woman, Iris remembered her being a friend of Tracy's) handed her order. She paid and went to find a table, only to find the great Oliver Queen already sitting at one, staring directly at her.

Intimidating.

She walked over, a mask of confidence cascading over her grief-striking fearful persona. She placed the coffee's down, handing one to the vigilante (who accepted it gratefully) before settling in herself.

"Hi." Oliver started.

"Hey."

"How are you?" Oliver asked stupidly, already knowing the answer.

"Really Oliver? How do you think I'm doing?"

"Well, if you're anything like me, really fucking shit."

Iris raised an eyebrow, "You barely saw him?"

"Apparently we all barely saw him feeling like that and all he was hiding as well, Iris." And Iris rightfully remained quiet instead of arguing back. She pursed her lips slightly, looking at her ripped jeans, trying to figure out what to say.

Oliver sipped his coffee, feeling the burn down his throat.

"So why are you in Central City? Doesn't Star need it's green vigilante?" Iris asked lightly, stalling.

"The funeral was yesterday, Iris. And I swore to Barry that if anything happened to him, I'd keep a look out for you guys. I'd make sure Wally was okay in the field, keep track on the crime rate, ensure all of you are looking after yourselves... all that. I was planning to leave in a couple weeks. Speedy, Dig and the others can hold out until I do." He answered simply. Iris nodded, grateful that Oliver would look out for her younger brother. Just like he did Barry. If something happened to Wally, Iris knew she couldn't lose him too.

They couldn't lose each other.

Then again, she had thought that she couldn't lose Barry, yet here she was… talking to Oliver Queen about Barry's recorded suicide notes after he was dead and buried.

The coffee suddenly tasted bitter in her mouth. She cringed at the cup (and her thoughts) before continuing. "What the hell in going on Oliver?"

At this point, Oliver gave up with the talk over coffee, he pushed the cup aside and responded with, "You tell me what you know, and I'll fill in the rest."

Iris sighed in annoyance, but reluctantly replied, "Okay, so Barry… he… um… he made tapes for us to listen to about why he killed himself. He believes that there are 13 reasons why and he says each tape has a different person and that the listener will be mentioned."

Oliver looked at the table, seemingly calculating. Before he tilted his head and frowned, "Barry… he believes these tapes are a way of character. Crazy, I know, but he believes that the way he went about this was… memorable. That it will be more of a life lesson than closure. More of an accusation than a goodbye. I can't tell you what everyone did, what you did, because it is up to you to listen to the tapes, Iris. It is what Barry wanted."

"But you know what we did? What I did?" She asked.

"Yes." He answered simply.

"And you don't hate us? Me?" Iris continued.

"No." Oliver chuckled slightly. Iris' eyebrows creased in confusion.

"But I killed him." She said seriously. She can't forgive herself and she doesn't even know what she did. How can Oliver even look at her?

Oliver began to standup, grabbed his jacket before saying, "We all did, Iris." And he began to walk out with that. 

Stubbornly, Iris followed. "Hey! You can't just leave like that! You know something. Oliver!"

Oliver stopped in place, pursing his lips slightly, and turned around. He his slight annoyance with a slight smile when he saw Iris's tearful face. "Listen to the tapes, Iris. It'll make sense soon enough."

And with that, he walked away from the grieving girl, carrying his own grief with him.

Iris, stood there stunned. She watched as the leather jacket slowly disappeared amongst the crowd. Listen to the tapes, Iris. Her eyes filled with tears, grief and stress, confusion and frustration all catching up to her at once. Listen to the tapes, Iris. Everything was happening at once. She didn't know what to do. What could she do?

Listen to the tapes, Iris.

She stopped panicking, stopped her thoughts from running away from her control. She stopped all the questions. Stopped everything. Her heels clicked as she walked, determined, to the nearby bench. Her shaking hand reached inside her bag, and pulled out the tape, the player, and the headphones. 

After fiddling with them for a minute, she put the headphones in and played the tape.

"Well, you came back. Good. I thought you might."

Iris couldn't help but smile at Barry's smartass personality. Because he knew they'd come back. They all would. She would.

"I'm not going to get into a long introduction. You and I both know what this is. So, Number 2. Welcome to your tape…"

It was here, where Iris realized something important.

In order to stop everything, she always had to press play.

And slowly, the tape rolled on.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hope you enjoyed! New Chapter coming soon! Kudos and Comments are appreciated!


	5. Tape 1, Side B (part 1)

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Iris starts the next tape, then realises she can't move forward until she has figured out the past.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry it took so long! I have mock exams next week and I have got a new job so that's great! If you guys have any requests feel free to ask, it might motivate me to write! Hope you enjoy!

"So, Cisco... ready for your tape? I'm sure you already have an idea on what it's about."

Iris took a deep breath, sinking down into the cool damp wood of the bench outside Jitters. She focused on the people walking past, trying not to focus on the fact that she was listening to her dead best friends' suicide note.

She knew this wasn't the best place, and that maybe somewhere more private would be appropriate, but she had to hear his voice. She had to hear him now.

"You know, I never ever thought I'd say this in a bad way, Cisco, but... where do I start?"

She could literally feel the sting of guilt Cisco was bound to feel at that. That hollow emptiness they all felt when that casket was lowered in the ground next to Nora and Henry Allens' graves.

"See Cisco, when I sat in my room earlier tonight, I couldn't figure out where my life had gone so wrong. Where exactly do I pinpoint the time where I continously felt to urge to die? Well, I wrote it all down, I planned it. Recorded it. And I realised Cisco, you have done many things to me that one would consider, betrayal."

Her ears perked up at that. Flashpoint wasn't necersarily betrayal... so what else has Cisco done?

"Now I won't drag on with the pipeline fiasco, you all did that, so it will be in all of your tapes, but I doubt you all would like to hear a constant lecture about it, despite how much you all may miss my voice at this point in time."

She laughed grimly, he was always the smartass. 

"But let's start with number one of tape two! Drumroll please..."

Breathe in...

"...the Cold gun."

...And choke the breath out. What did Cisco have to do with the Cold gun?

"Now I do understand your reasonings, I do. Which is ironic with what I'm going to talk about later on. But I can't help but think, why the hell would you have killed me with ice if I wasn't who you expected me to be when I woke up?"

What the hell? 

"Yeah, that's right everyone. Cisco built the Cold gun with the intent to put me down of I was some psycho you hear about on "Making a Murderer" on Netflix. Crazy, right?"

Shock shivered through Iris' veins.

"Who, in their right mind, intends to kill some random stranger by freezing them to death? Who has to be so sick to even think about making a weapon like that? Let alone make it."

 

Logically, Iris knew Barry was right. It should've taken someone as sick as Eobard to build something like that, and they all knew he didn't know anything about it.

"The next was the pipeline, but I'm not going to get into that. Then, Cisco, then it was your greatest moment of all... after Flashpoint. You know, where I brutally murdered your brother in cold blood?"

Okay even Iris knew that Cisco didn't think of it like that. But she also knew the amount of pain and guilt Barry felt for it every single day.

Come to think of it, Iris momentirily wondered how Barry hadn't... ended it... sooner. She knew she wouldn't have been able to handle a week of that pressure, let alone the amount of time Barry held onto it and still managed to fake a smile.

She'd have saved him if she'd known.

God, if only she had known.

"See, aside from the fact that you decided to kick me when I was down and make me feel like I was completely irrevelant, a fuck up and useless everyday, you were so blinded by your logic that I killed your brother to realise one thing... you easily turned the tables on yourself. Because the thing is, you believed that I indirectly murdered your brother through Cause and Effect."

Anticipation was the worst kind of agony. Iris has realised that many times. When Barry was struck by lightning, everytime Barry was hurt, who the Reverse Flash and Zoom were, and now, what Barry was talking about.

"Then doesn't that mean you killed my parents Cisco?"

And with that, time stopped. But alas, it continued.

"Now now, stop frowning and furrowing your eyebrows in confusion. Stop for a minute, and let me explain."

Smartass.

"So, if I changed the timeline which caused your brother to get killed, that makes me a murderer. So Cisco, you must be a serial killer, seeing as you made me the Flash when you activated the particle accelerator. Which, indirectly, killed my parents, Ronnie, Eddie, Trajectory, and killed so many others during the singularity and Zooms' reign. What? Are you shocked at how logical it is? Have you just realised your mistake? Or just how much of a shitty pathetic friend you really were when I needed you?... When we needed each other, bro."

His voice cracked and Iris could see him crying as he spoke, alone. She felt like she couldn't breathe knowing that he was hurting and no one noticed. In fact, it hurt her knowing they had caused him pain themselves and not noticed. It was only then Iris came out of her daze when a hand rested on her shoulder. She whipped round, the earphones falling out in the process. She quickly pressed pause as to not miss anything before refocusing her attention on the old man sitting beside her.

"Are you okay, ma'am?" He asked concerned.

He was an old man, with wrinkles and white hair. His teeth were yellow and his lips were thin. His eyes seemed squinted and he was wearing a blue fleece with jeans and black shoes. He seemed kind, approachful.

"Yes, yes I'm fine thank you." She responded, her voice cracking.

"Ma'am, you're crying. Would you like me to call someone? A cab?" He asked.

"No, no I'm okay. Just, grieving someone I lost a long time ago." She smiled sadly.

The mans' eyes went from concern to sadness and understanding.

"I'm very sorry. I lost my wife last week to dementia." He said, obviously looking for conversation.

"Oh, I'm so sorry." Iris said, wiping away her tears.

"Thank you, did you lose someone close to you?"

"My best friend who became my fiancè." She said automatically, her face morphing into surprise when she said it.

"How? If you don't mind me asking."

"Suicide." She looked at the ground, forcing the word to her lips, each syllable leaving a sour aftertaste.

"I'm so very sorry. Would you like to talk about it?"

"I don't know what there would be to talk about. He killed himself, didn't leave a note, so we'll never understand why." She lied.

"You will." The man said.

Iris turned to him, "I'll what?"

He looked at her as he stood up from the bench, "You'll understand someday, you just have to look in the right places. I got closure with my wife, ma'am, and she didn't even remember me when I held her during her final breaths. You'll get closure with your fiancè. Lovers always do. Goodbye ma'am, I do hope you'll find happiness."

Iris was stunned, yet she forced out, "Me too, I hope you're happy yourself. Thank you." And she watched the man walk away.

She wiped her face once more, before standing up and gathering her things. She couldn't do this here, not in public. Hearing Barry's pain hurt too much. She had to go somewhere where she would be left alone in her grief, and she knew exactly where, but she needed a ride.

She pulled out her phone from her coat pocket, and called the most recent number.

It took three rings before they answered.

"Iris."

"Oliver, I need a ride." She said bluntly.

"Where?"

She took a deep, silent breath, everything around her becoming white noise. She blinked before saying,

"Barry Allens' grave."

It was time she kept playing. The only way now, was to move foward, and to do that, she had to find out the past.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I NEED YOUR HELP with this fic! I need some ideas for more taps, obviously i'm going to have Wally, Cisco, Caitlin, Iris and Joe, but who else? And for what?  
> Please comment your ideas!
> 
> Kudos and Comments are appreciated!


	6. Tape A, Side B (part 2)

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Iris listens to the rest of Cisco's tape. Barry visits.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Its been a longggg asss timme
> 
> Sorry
> 
> Been busy
> 
> And my motivation is crumbling
> 
> Pls halp
> 
> And enjoy
> 
> Help and enjoy pls

Iris's chest hurt.

It was agonising.

She couldn't breathe, couldn't think, couldn't do anything. 

It was like there was this huge weight hanging on her lungs and heart by hooks. It was pulling her down, stretching and tearing away at her breath and her soul.

Before, before she was here, she was... numb to it. As if she knew it was there but wasn't aware of the pain.

But now, now she could see it. Now this was real. 

And it hurt.

Tears fell freely down her face as she sat on the freshly grown grass, staring at the stone which marked a loss she'd never been able to lose.

               'Barthomew Henry Allen

        July 11th 1992 - 29th April 2017

                              Age 24

  A loving son, fiancè, brother and friend

                  You shall be missed'

Her glazed eyes stared at the text set in stone.

He was gone. He was really, very gone.

And what was worse?

He wasn't ever coming back. Like he usually did, he always seemed to find a way back to her, but now, now she wasn't enough for him to stay.

Ignoring the man behind her, Iris fell to her knees by the gravestone, sobbing disgustingly.

She wasn't a pretty crier when she was properly crying. Her skin became clammy and her entire face creased into a raisin, while she had snot and tears running down her face.

Barry was a pretty crier. His skin never became too clammy or blotchy. And his eyes glazed over like newly cut glass. The tears running down his face would look like crytals and his face never creased in a way that made him look older. Instead, it made him look younger and more vunerable.

She hated that she could remember his face when he cried.

She didn't react when Oliver crouched down beside her, hugging her awkwardly, but she accepted any consolation he could give right now.

"It's going to be okay, Iris." Was all he said but God, he sounded like Barry.

She only cried harder.

After about 20 minutes, Iris stopped crying, only her sniffles echoing through the graveyard. They both stood up, and Oliver offered to get coffee so that she had time alone. He left, leaving Iris to do what she needed to do.

"Hey, Bear." She smiled painfully.

She took a deep shuddering breath before continuing, "I, um... I really miss you."

"I've uh, got the... the tapes. That you left. I haven't finished them but... whatever I did Barry, I'm so sorry."

She looked at the grass, kicking it with her feet slightly. "I barely got through Caitlins' tape, but now with Cisco... I know-knew what he was doing to you, we all did... and I-we didn't help you or defend you. And I'm sorry for that."

Her eyes flicked to the sky, licking her lips slightly, "I-uh don't even know why I'm here. I figured I should listen to the rest of Cisco's tape... with you with me, Bear. I can't do this without you." She forced herself not to breakdown again.

"I love you, Bear. I love-d you, I still do, and I always will."

She reached into her bag and pulled out the tape and earphones. As she put the last one in, she saw something standing out amongst the grey headstones.

She looked up to see someone dressed in white. A white suit. 

She gasped. "Barry."

He seemed peaceful. Every muscle she'd ever heard of seemed relaxed, and his skin was blemished completely. His hair was styled as it always was, and he was smiling.

Not the fake smile he had or the happy smile. Just...

A content one.

They held eye contact, Iris not blinking for the fear of not seeing him again. She tried to memorise every feature of him she could. Each hair strand, freckle, eyelash... all the little things she took for granted.

He smiled more contently at her, nodding towards her in a motion which could mean 1000 words.

Alas, she blinked.

And he was gone.

The ghost of Barry Allen literally haunted her.

She shook her head solemnly before sitting down on the grass, staring straight at the headstone before her; and she pressed play.

"Anyway..." he sniffled, continuing right where he left off.

"The next thing you did, Ramon, now that, that is story to tell." He laughed harshly. Iris believed for a moment   
that this wasn't Barry. Not her Barry anyway.

"So, uh, to anyone listening who wasn't apart of that - would've been -awesome team up with some old friends, I'd listen in... because Cisco hear nearly damn got me killed."

What? How did Cisco of all people nearly get Barry killed when they all had fucking aliens hovering over their heads?

"To summerise it, Cisco is really bad at revealing things at right times."

Iris's eyes widened. 

No.

"Good old Cisco thought that during a fucking alien invasion - where we would need each others backs might I add - was a perfectly suitable time to tell my team that, well, I fucked up their lives and they couldn't trust me. And trust is a two way street, so suddenly, I couldn't trust anyone. Thank you Cisco, thank you for rendering me truly and utterly alone."

Iris didn't realise she was hyperventilating until black spots danced in her vision. 

He wasn't alone. He was never alone. Didn't he see that he had her?

"Is this what you wanted, Cisco? For me to feel like if I had died on some sort of mission, you wouldn't have noticed? That no one would've? By the way you were acting, it was. And if you have these tapes, well, you succeeded." The tape chuckled in Iris's ear.

"Do you know what was worse? When I was willing to sacrifice myself to the Dominators in order to save the World, you wouldn't let me, and you called me your 'friend'. Why couldn't you let me go? I wanted to die Cisco! You wanted me to disappear so why didn't you let me leave? I hate what I'm about to do, but God, I could have died a hero if you'd let me. I-I c-could've redeemed myself for Flashpoint, but you refused me that, and it wasn't your choice to make." Barry and Iris began crying together.

Barry wanted to die. Barry was going to kill himself and not say goodbye to her.

Well, he did that anyway, but this was sacrifice.

And he didn't tell her? Neither did Cisco, or Felicity or-

A hand placed itself on her shoulder.

Oliver. 

She ignored him, determined to at least finish Cisco's story.

"Things weren't the same. You still looked at me with hatred now and again, before remembering you had 'forgiven me'. And I couldn't handle it Cisco, any of it. I should be sorry, but I'm not. Because if I was, the amount of times I've been sorry for something... I might as well be sorry for existing."

"Ironic given the circumstances." He laughed. "Sorry, I guess."

Iris wanted to scream at him because of how, collected he was. It was like he had accepted his fate long before it was even decided.

"But, don't worry Cisco! You aren't the only one who made me feel like an outcast or unwanted, which actually brings us to the next tape. Our third reason! My question is, can you handle it?"

She'd done it. She'd listened to Cisco's tape.

She didn't know how she felt about it.

"Listen to the first side of the second tape for the rest of the story."

She pulled the earphones out of her ears hastily. Angry at Cisco, at Barry, herself.

The fucking World.

"You okay, Iris?" A rough voice startled her.

Oliver.

She'd forgotten he was there. She looked at him with tearful eyes. 

"Tell me everything." He growled through gritted teeth. His face scrunched into one of confusion.

"About what?" He whispered.

"What happened with the Dominators."

If Oliver Queen's face could show anymore confusion and understanding at the same time, it did. "Why?"

She looked down at the ground for a moment, forming the sentence into words so it made sense.

Iris looked back up at Oliver, "Because I need to know the real story - the truth - before I talk to Cisco Ramon."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Kudos and Comments appreciated!


	7. Breakdowns, Irony, and Netflix

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Iris prepares to pounce at Cisco and belittle him like he did Barry.
> 
> They're encounter did not go as planned.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry it's so short, it's like 3AM so i'm really tired but I had to finish this or I wouldn't have slept.
> 
> Hope you enioy this!

"Ramon!" Iris yelled as she punched his door for the seventh time. "Open up! We need to talk!"

She heard shuffling behind the door, then at least 8 different clicks before the door opened. "Iris? What reason do you have to interupt my nap?" He asked lightheartedly.

Iris studied him for a moment. His eyes were puffy and red rimmed, his skin was clammy and blotchy and his hair was all over the place. 

He'd been crying. She softened slightly, however she kept her composure. "We need to talk about your tape."

Cisco visably deflated, "Iris..."

Iris held up a hand, "No Cisco, we need to talk."

"Please Iris, I can't." Cisco already looked on the verge of tears.

Yes, Iris concluded, the guilt was destroying him.

She softened slightly, remembering that he had lost yet another brother only weeks ago.

"I need to, Cisco. I-I'm mad, but I just... we need to do this." She said solemnly.

He sighed before letting her into his apartment. It was then Iris realised just how badly Cisco had been coping. The dishes weren't done, and looked like they hadn't been washed for over a week. His laundary was scattered across the whole apartment - which was also covered in a think blanket of dust. She turned to look at Cisco, and aside from his blotchy face, she could see his hair was immensely greasy, and his pyjamas were crumpled and covered in old pasta sauce.

She sat down at the coffee table, Cisco following, "W-would you like a drink?" He asked timidly.

She shook her head, both of them being swallowed up by the silence. If only she jad planned her conversation with him out earlier.

"So... did you listen to all of it?" Cisco breathed.

Iris nodded her head, her face remaining stoick and emotionless. "Yes. I'm sorry for what he said to you."

Cisco shook his head, "No, he was right. I deserved it."

Iris tilted her head, allowing the conversation to continue, "How so?"

Cisco stood up from his chair, pacing, "I wasn't there for him, Iris! I saw he was hurting! I made him hurt, and I enjoyed it! I was so caught up in my blood brothers' death that I let my other brother fucking kill himself! How could I do that? How could I make him feel so..."

"Alone and worthless? Hated?" Iris asked lightly.

Cisco turned to her, tears falling freely, "I never hated him! I was mad but I could never hate him. He... he died thinking I... thinking I hated him... God, I just need more minute with him, just to tell him how sorry I am and that I... that I love...d him. But he doesn't know! Because I didn't tell him and I wanted him to hurt!"

Cisco scrubbed a hand down his face, nearly falling onto his knees sobbing before Iris caught him. She held the broken man, whispering 'it's okay' repeatedly into his ear. She barely acknowledged how she was silently breaking herself.

She slowly guided him to the couch, sitting him down and handing him the tissue box on the floor. Iris sat next to the broken boy, stroking his back as he grieved.

As his sobs silenced into sniffles and hiccups, Iris stood. "I think a hot tea is in order."

They both shared a small giggle, "I'll put on the netflix." Cisco said lightly.

Iris rolled her eyes, before returning to the kitchen to make some tea. 

She wasn't mad at Cisco, and she certianly didn't blame him. She kept it rational, knowing if she didn't then she would only be repeating mistakes already made to Barry. And she knew that for a person to begin to forgive themself, others must forgive them first. She learnt that from Barry, and now she had to apply it for Cisco.

She may not have been able to save Barry, but she will most certiantly save Cisco.

The kettle whistled, annoucing the water was boiled. She poured the water into the cups, admiring how the teabags turned the water brown, like ink spilled in water.

She added the milk and sugar and removed the teabags, retreating back into the living room with the hot beverages to find an episode of RIVERDALE playing. 

She sat down, handing Cisco a mug as they lapsed into silence, comfortably watching as Archie and Betty sat together talking about their summer.

She traced the rim of her cup with her fingers, not looking up at Cisco as she said, "It's not your fault, you know?"

He whipped his head around to face her, his face scrunching into confusion, "What?"

It was then she decided to focus her sight on the TV, "You're human, Cisco, we all make mistakes."

"Yeah? I was so caught up in my anger that I didn't seem to realise that Barry was also human and made a mistake. That he was still a person who felt, who hurt, who wasn't perfect."

Iris remained silent as Cisco paused, before asking, "How ironic is this, huh?"

She turned to face him, confusion drawn into her features. Seeing that she didn't understand, Cisco elaborated.

"Here we are, drowning in our own guilt and sorrows because of a mistake we made which resulted in death, because we let Barry drown in his own guilt and sorrows because of a mistake he made which resulted in death." He chuckled humourlessly.

"Karma's a bitch." Iris pointed out before she drank more of her tea.

"Life is a bitch." Cisco retorted, Iris humming in agreement.

They both lapsed into silence once more, watching as Betty and Archie danced together - both of them kind of forgetting about the grief which crushed them daily. They didn't forget, but it became more bearable... more numb.

Healing. Slowly, but most certainly healing.

Iris became skeptical. Maybe the next tape could wait. She was in no real rush to get through them, and for now, for now life seemed hazy.

It felt as if she were floating. Like a tsunami of emotions had just tried to drown her but now she was just above the surface, to tired to shout and scream for help or swim in any direction of safety.

She just floated.

Iris looked back at Cisco, and saw the exact same thing in his expression.

Yes, Iris concluded, for now the tapes could wait... because rebuilding her shattered life couldn't.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Kudos and Comments appreciated!


	8. Why would a dead guy lie?

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Iris and Cisco spend the day together, while Wally tells Iris some home truths.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> SORRY I HAVEN'T UPDATED
> 
> WRITERS BLOCK IS A BITCHH
> 
> I know this is shit but I hope you enjoy anyway.

Iris groaned in annoyance as sunlight burned through her eyelids. She rubbed her eyes and sat up groggily, promptly opening them, only to close them again as she was blinded. She blinked a few times before her eyes adjusted and she took in where she was. She wasn't in her bed, or Barry's. In fact, she believed she wasn't even home. 

Alarmed, she abruptly stood and scanned the room she was in. There was a stained coffee table infront of her, and it seemed she was lying on an old couch with a checkered blanket. There were dozens of comic book posters and laundary around the room, scattered like litter. The small TV on the wall was on the netflix homescreen. It took her a moment before realising that she was in Cisco's flat.

Events of last night came crashing into her memory.

"So I see you're finally awake." Cisco said lightly as he came into view, holding two steaming mugs.

Iris sat back down, looking like a grumpy cat, "G'morning." 

Cisco rolled his eyes, sitting down next to her, "More like Good Afternoon."

Iris checked her phone, realising it was actually two thirty in the afternoon. The expression on her face must've shown her shock because Cisco ended up laughing. Iris smiled, his happier mood slightly contagious. 

Cisco handed her a mug once he finished stirring, "Cream with sugar..."

Iris gladly took it, "My knight in shining armour." She joked as she took a sip.

Cisco laughed, "I wonder what my superhero name would be... Captain Caffiene."

Iris bursted into a fit of laughter, "Team Caffine&Co."

"The secret lair would be Jitters' backroom." Cisco smiled.

They both shared a fit of giggles before a comfortable silence washed over them. The happy vibes only lasted so long, as the morning news played on. The female reporter sat behind a desk, her scarlet dress highlighting her pale skin and blonde hair. Her face remained devoid of emotion as she spoke.

"Central City has been left completely and utterly lost at the sudden disappearance of a certain scarlet hero. Many believe he has left this city to the mercy of other metahumans, however some hopeful others believe he had either been hurt, or kidnapped by someone who wishes to cause him harm... and that he is still the hero we all know and love."

Her drone voice continued before Cisco abruptly changed the channel, showing some game show with a bunch of elderlies. Iris turned to Cisco, seeing an angry expression as he glared daggers into the TV.  "They know nothing." He seethed.

Iris put a hand on his shoulder, "They're just confused Cisco. Sooner or later people will put two and two together and not come out with five. That's all this is right now - guesses."

"I know... i-it's just... I-" His voice cracked as he tried to tell her how he felt. She nodded, hugging him tightly as she said, "Yeah, I know."

They stayed like that for another few minutes, before Cisco pulled away, "Do you, uh, want to do something today? I really need to get out of this apartment."

Iris huffed a laugh, "I can see why. It looks like the aftermath of a apocalyptic crisis, " she scrunched up her nose in discuss, "Smells like it, too."

Cisco hit her arm playfully, chuckling slightly. "If only the Grimes family could help us now."

"We need Michonne and Maggie, we both know the girls are probably the ones that clean." She said lightly, standing up and heading towards the bathroom, "Do you have a spare toothbrush?"

Cisco gestured to the door, "Under the sink. To be honest, I think there must be like some sort of janitor group in Alexandria, like all the elderies gather every week and go about the houses and steal peoples teabags."

Iris laughed, "You have some really strange conspiracy theories."

"I am a conspiracy theory." Cisco frowned. He headed towards his small bedroom while Iris brushed her teeth. He returned to bathroom with a towel, giving her a look that read 'get out'. The door closed quietly behind her.

While she heard the shower running, Iris opened a window, looking around the dull, dreary apartment. Old laundary was scattered around the whole room, while the now mouldy dished rotted in the sink. Coffee stained decorated all the surfaces that weren't the floor, and the air was filled with flecks of dust and carpet - meaning he hadn't vacuumed in a long while.

She knew Cisco hadn't been coping well, but to the point where his apartment smelt like a morgue and looked like an apocalyptic crisis? It seemed so... not Cisco. His Pop Vinyl collection by the TV was coated in a thick layer of dust, and she swore Barry once told her how Cisco practically polished the things. Cisco was not okay. Not at all.

She may not be able to fix all his problems, but she can help with a few.

Sighing determinedly, she whipped her hair into a bun and rolled up her sleeves, heading to the kitchen to find the laundary basket...

XXX

By the time Cisco emerged from the steaming shower, Iris had picked up the laundry, wiped down the sides, and washed the dishes. Now, the unfamiliar sound of the vacuum echoed through the apartment, and Ciscos' jaw had dropped drastically. His hair dripped onto his Cyan Cat shirt, and he dropped the towel he was holding in shock.

Iris stood there, inbetween the coffee table and the couch, thrusting the hoover foward as she cleaned the (now visable) blue carpet. Slight sweat glinted on her brow, and her wedding ring dazzled in the sunlight.

Of course she still wore the thing.

Eventually, Iris noticed Cisco, giggling at the dumbfounded expression on his face. She turned of the vacuum, "Come on, Cisco! Did you really want to return from today to the land of the dead? It smelt like a rat died in here."

"Well, no! But you didn't have to do it, I could've done it myself." He said, exasperated.

"You can't even make toast without burning it until it's charcoal." Iris deadpanned. "I'm suprised how you still live alone."

"Um, I can do other things, though! Captain Caffine!" Cisco pouted.

"Oh, because that Nescãfe Coffee maker over there had nothing to do with it. That Coffee maker is the hero, and you're the sidekick. You're Robin." Iris smirked. Cisco picked up the towel and threw is at her, "Shut up. Can we go now?" He said playfully. Iris shook her head affectionately, "Fine."

She let the vacuum clatter to the floor, picking up her bag. Cisco opened the door for her, and the both excitedly left the building. 

"By the way, I am NOT the Robin to that Coffee maker. It shall not be my Batman." Cisco said sternly, only earning a laugh from Iris.

"You sound like those girls who say things like , 'Be the peanut to my butter'!" Iris said teasingly as they opened the doors to the Apartment building and into the sunlight.

Iris nearly gasped when she really saw Cisco. His skin wasn't just pale, it was more transparent, and she could see blue veins on his forehead and under his bloodshot eyes. He squinted in the sunlight, and his cracked lips seemed even drier than when Iris last checked. He must've seen the look on her face, as he said, "I'm okay, Iris."

Her heart skipped a beat as those words brought up memories of the person she would rather not see right now. He seemed to notice too, yet neither said anything. She shook her head, "You want to talk about him?"

"Do you?" He asked as they began a sluggish walk to the nearest coffee shop.

She shrugged, "It's like there is so much yet so little to talk about."

Cisco nodded, "I miss him. Just as much as I miss Dantè. When I first heard those tapes. When I heard his voice I... it..."

"It all became so real." She finished for him. "Too real."

He nodded, "If you could say one thing to him right now. What would you say?"

Iris hesitated, thinking. What would she say? Would she apologise? Profess her love? Yell at him for what he did? Thank him for everything he did for her? Ask about the tapes? Ask why he never told her about this?

"I'd say that I love him." She lied, not knowing what she would say.

"I'd just say, Star Labs Forever." Cisco said. Iris looked at him questioningly, "It's... It was a thing."

Iris smiled, "You guys were the cutest little nerds I'd ever seen in my entire life."

"Woah there senoritá, I AM the cutest nerd you will EVER see in your entire life." He scoffed.

"You sure are. Barry was a bit of everything. It was like he couldn't decide which table to sit with during highschool so he just jumped from one to the next."

Cisco laughed, "That was most certainly a Barry Allen move. Cait and I went High School together for about a year before she moved. I didn't really talk to her but she was on our table of social rejects."

Iris gasped, "I was the complete opposite! Cheerleader with a geeky quirk, all the guys drooled as I walked by."

Cisco laughed, "Not going to lie, I may not have been a jock, but I was still a drooler." 

Iris laughed even more, "God, you boys."

The rest of their conversation was filled with lighthearted banter and laughter and they walked around the city, unintentionally (or intentionally) missinf coffee shops and stands as they slowly just... breathed.

It was near enough early evening when they decided to head back.

"Do you want to stay for pizza?" Cisco asked.

"Do you mind if I actually stay a couple nights? I don't think I can face my apartment a minute later. I would go to my Dad's but, he isn't doing so well." Iris asked awkwardly.

"Of course, Iris. It's the least I can do for what you did today." He said as he pulled out his key for the Apartment Building.

"All I did was walk around the city with you." Iris smiled. Cisco stopped, putting a hand on her shoulder.

"No, Iris you helped me in more ways you can imagine. You managed to get me out the house, let alone have a shower. I didn't realise how bad I had got until you showed up." He said, compassion shining in his eyes. Iris remained silent.

They walked up to the door in silence. Iris unlocked her phone, finding 5 messages and 7 missed calls from Wally.

'Hey, are you home?' Recieved 11.15PM 2 days ago.

'Iris, you okay? Call me' Recieved 01.30AM 1 day ago.

'You're not at home? Where ru?' Recieved 07.32AM 1 day ago.

'Iris, don't do anything stupid. Please call me.' Recieved 10.51AM 1 day ago.

'If I don't here from you by tomorrow I'm calling the Police I swear to God, Iris. We've already lost too much, I can't lose you too. Please call me. I'm not mad.' Recieved 07.03PM 1 day ago.

She checked the time, it was just gone midnight. A small wave of guilt swallowed her as she realised her family must be worried sick. She pushed it to the back of her mind as she typed a reply...

'Hey Wally, I'm okay. I've stayed at Cisco's last night because he needed some support. Sorry for not telling you, I didn't really have time. I'm going to stay round Cisco's for a while, just until some of this blows over... mind bringing me over some clothes? I don't think it'd be a good idea for me to walk home at this time. Love you xx'

She pushed her phone back into her bag, watching as Cisco opened the main door with a code. He opened it for her, "Milady" he said mockingly as she entered first.

They walked up the third flight of stairs in silence, the hall light flickering every so often. A ping from Iris's bag echoed to the top of the building. She pulled out her phone, reading Wally's message.

'Oh thank God. And it's okay, I get it. Next time just let me know where u r tho k? And sure, I'll bring you a kit bag over now. I'll txt ypu when i'm outside. Luv u 2 cx'

She smiled, happy that he wasn't upset with her, however she remained cautious, unsure on what exactly he had done to Barry on these tapes. She pushed the tapes out of her mind. "Wally is grabbing me some clothes. He'll be over soon to drop them off."

Cisco nodded, panting slightly at the steps. They were metal, and clanged every time you stepped on them. They were extremely different from the ones in her own building - carpeted and small, and she also had an elevator that worked.

They reached Cisco's apartment, and he unlocked the door, stumbling in before coming to a sudden halt, "Woah, forgot how clean it was."

Iris smiled, "I did that once. Left the house and came back and thought I was in the wrong building."

Cisco looked  back at Iris, aware of how the apartment had got so clean. He remembered Barry and Iris walking into STAR labs, both bearing beaming smiles.

Iris had started babbling about how she thought they had a maid or that she thought she got the wrong door but then she saw Barry, by the stove, cooking some wonderful meal he couldn't remember the name of. 

They had both seemed so happy, he didn't know how things suddenly took a turn for the worse.

Iris seemed to notice his train of thought, and decided they needed something to lift their spirits.

"So, Captain Caffine, do you know where on earth your arch nemisis, Evil Ethanol, is?"

Cisco smirked, "You really did study chemistry didn't you?"

XXX

About 7 glasses of vodka and coke later, a bell rang by Cisco's door. Drunk and unshevelled, Iris and Cisco remained on the sofa. Cisco screamed out 'hallo?!' loudly, gargling on the remaining drink in his mouth. Iris cackled, spilling some of her drink as she sat up.

She stood, then fell back, cackled, the stood again. "It's prob-ly Wally."

Cisco rolled off the couch onto all fours. "We need to sober up. Theres water in the tap."

They both raced towards the tap, stacking over a couple of times before they made it. Another bell chimed out.

Now that she could think a little more clearly, and see that the floor was actually pretty smooth and straight, she slowly made her way to the door. 

She opened it to find a concerned Wally holding a back kit bag stuffed with clothes. "Hey, you okay?"

"Hey Wally!" She said playfully, giggling slightly. Wally caught on.

"You're drunk." He deadpanned.

"No, I am NOT drunk. I am Drinking."

"Iris, no."

"Iris, yes!"

"Iris, this is a bad idea!"

"Wally, I'll be fine. I promise. Thanks for the clothes." Iris said as she grabbed the bag. Wally pulled her outside before she could slam the door.

"Wally, what the he-" 

"Whatever you hear on those tapes, isn't all true. Okay?"

Iris screeched to a halt. "What?"

"Iris, I'm on those tapes. I know what he said to us, I know what he thought. He was overthinking. You can't listen to word he says, please Iris, it'll tear us all apart otherwise."

Iris scrunched her face in confusion and anger, "What are you saying, that he... killed himself for attention?"

The thin line on his lips was the only answer she needed, "Leave."

His eyes saddened, "Iris,"

"Go away!" Iris screamed, pushing him backwards again and again. Wally let her. Only when they came near the stairs, he gripped her wrists tightly.

"I'm leaving. Okay? I'm leaving, but when you hear your tape Iris, you'll know you can't trust his word. Stay safe, big sis."

As he walked down the stairs, Iris reeled. "Why would a dead guy lie?"

Wally stopped, hesitating, before he straightened himself, and continued walking out of sight.

Leaving Iris alone, in the hallway, with her distraught and confusing thoughts.

Why would a dead guy lie?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Kudos and Comments appreciated!


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